


Hell in High Waters

by yvnwhore



Series: Agere fics [13]
Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Age Regression/De-Aging, Angst, Childhood Trauma, Flashbacks, Fluff and Angst, Multi, Past Child Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-25
Updated: 2020-01-25
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:21:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22409374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yvnwhore/pseuds/yvnwhore
Summary: Mingi had been acting strange, completely out of his element. When Hongjoong tries to confront him about it, he simply shuts down. When Mingi does something concerning, Hongjoong decides enough is enough.
Relationships: Kim Hongjoong/Park Seonghwa/Song Mingi
Series: Agere fics [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1630093
Comments: 1
Kudos: 150





	Hell in High Waters

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys what's good it's your local angst dealer back at it again, making you sad asf
> 
> Big TW, mentions of past child abuse and flashbacks.  
> When such scenes occur I will use this symbol * to indicate when it begins and when it ends. Keep your eye open for it if these topics are too heavy for you
> 
> Beta read by @bbys_space (twt)

Hongjoong had been keeping a close eye on Mingi lately. The boy was acting strangely. He was more stressed than usual, easy to irritate, and just overall grumpy. When Hongjoong went to ask, he was met with a brick wall. Mingi insisted everything was alright despite his red, puffy eyes and his constant staring off into space.

Everytime he did that, he would assume the same position with his hands at his side and freeze. Hongjoong had no idea what it was that he was doing. Maybe he's just thinking. He assumed the first time, however when Mingi did it again and again, Hongjoong couldn't help but be concerned. Everyone stares off into space sometimes, but Mingi was doing it so often in the past few days that it made Hongjoong nervous. No one else seemed to notice it when Mingi simply froze up and stared at nothing.

He's probably just tired. Hongjoong tried to brush it off. He sat down on his bed and began scrolling on his phone mindlessly. Most of the members had left the dorm today, so it was just him, Yunho, Mingi, and Seonghwa. Mingi was in the kitchen, cleaning up after having lunch with Yunho who made a b-line for his room to take a nap immediately after.

Hongjoong sat in his room with Seonghwa, who was folding and sorting his laundry. After a bit of scrolling, Hongjoong stopped and listened closely to a noise that had been bothering him for a bit. It was a faint trickle. It sounded like someone was pouring water into a cup nearby.

But the sound was coming from the kitchen. Hongjoong got up and made his way toward the noise to check on Mingi. He's probably spilled something. He thought to himself as he poked his head around the corner. In the kitchen, he saw Mingi in front of the sink, staring down at nothing. The sink was overflowing with water, engulfing the counter in a wet mess. The water was hot by the looks of the steam coming off of it.

It hit Mingi countless times, but the boy didn't move. Hongjoong's eyes widened and he quickly ran toward the latter to turn off the sink. He looked at Mingi who seemed to not have noticed him. 

"What the hell are you doing?!" Hongjoong seethed. His voice snapped Mingi out of his trance and Mingi finally looked up to meet Hongjoong's eyes. He blinked without breaking eye contact.

"Oh." He said softly. "Sorry, hyung." Was all he said before turning away and walking into his room. Hongjoong stared at him with wide eyes as he walked away. He turned back to the overflowing sink and pulled the plug out. He was right; the water was hot. He let out a shout as it touched his hand, but nevertheless reached in and pulled the plug anyway.

"What the fuck was he thinking?" Hongjoong cursed to himself while he cleaned up the mess. When he was done, he made his way to Mingi's room. It was silent behind the door. He knocked lightly and then opened it slowly to see Mingi staring at a spot on the wall. He was standing up, hands at his sides and his face devoid of expression, like he always did when he zoned out. He didn't notice Hongjoong come in. "You know how hot that water was, right?" Hongjoong asked. Mingi didn't reply for a while. Hongjoong stood at the door, waiting for an answer. Without turning to face him, Mingi replied.

"I didn't. It felt cold to me." He said, taking Hongjoong by surprise. Hongjoong furrowed his eyebrows.

"There's no way you couldn't have known, the water was basically boiling." He said, his voice becoming irritated. Mingi was being weird, and quite frankly it was starting to freak him out. Still staring and silent, Mingi sat down. "At least turn the tap off next time. There's gonna be water everywhere now." Hongjoong sighed.

Water... Mingi thought.

"I'm sorry. I won't do it again." He said before looking down at his hands in his lap. Hongjoong sat down in front of him.

"What's going on, Mingi?" He asked. Mingi didn't answer, just sighed.

"Nothing." He told him. Hongjoong scoffed and rolled his eyes.

"Nothing doesn't make you act like this." Hongjoong told him. He crossed his arms. He'd had enough of Mingi pushing him away. Mingi looked up at him, seeing his defensive position. He assumed Hongjoong was mad at him. After what he did, he knew Hongjoong definitely wasn't happy about it.

*

"Please, it's nothing." Mingi said softly. He really didn't want to talk about it. Especially today. It was something he could usually keep to himself, but the date was bothering him. A lot more than bothering him, but he didn't want to admit it.

"Mingi, tell me what's wrong." Hongjoong said sternly. "If something's going on, you should tell someone. And I know you haven't already, so talk to me." Hongjoong urged. Mingi was beginning to get bothered by Hongjoong. He felt his face go red as tears brimmed at his eyes. "Hey, hey, Mingi..."

He just wanted a nap. He was so tired and stressed that he didn't want to think. His brain ran miles while he tried to think of a way to just get Hongjoong to leave him alone. He began to feel dizzy as tears fell. Hongjoong reached forward to comfort him, but he swatted him away. He felt nauseous and his head began pounding. His breath sped up and his heart raced.

He was sobbing at this point. Everytime Hongjoong tried to comfort him however, he would tell him to stay back and so Hongjoong did. He started hyperventilating, closing his eyes and trying to focus on his breath to stop it. It didn't help as images immediately flooded his mind. Everything around him began to sound loud. Even the silence hurt his ears. He covered his ears and sobbed, saying the same thing over and over again.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. It's my fault, I'm sorry." He said in a shaky voice. Hongjoong was taken aback. This was more than a mere panic attack. This was something Hongjoong didn't know how to handle. 

"Mingi. Mingi, listen to me, you're alright, everything's okay." Hongjoong's voice stopped the silence from hurting and so he listened, allowing his hyung to comfort him with words. He slowly took his hands away from his ears and Hongjoong continued talking." Just breathe, darling, it's okay. Everything's alright, you're safe with me." He reassured. Mingi nodded and opened his eyes.

Hongjoong was standing directly in front of him. To Mingi, he was towering over him. It sent memories back to his mind and he scrambled back, shaking his head quickly.

"N-no... Leave Mingi alone!" He shouted in a strange tone. Hongjoong really had no idea what to do. He backed up and put his hands up to which Mingi flinched. "Go! Go 'way, bad man!"

"Mingi, I-"

"Get out, get out, get out!" Mingi screamed. Hongjoong's eyes widened in confusion and disbelief. He stared at the younger who was curled up into himself, arms up in a block. The boy looked up for a few seconds. "P-please jus' leave Mingi alone." He begged quietly as his body shook. Hongjoong nodded and he walked toward the door.

*

"If you need something, I'll be in my room, Mingi." He said before closing the door. He let out a sigh as he heard sobs from the other side. That could have gone way better than it had. And the way Mingi was talking... It made no sense. He sounded like a toddler. This wasn't something Hongjoong could brush off anymore.

He made his way to his room and voiced his concern to Seonghwa who had no ideas upon hearing it. He too was confused and rightfully so. After an hour or so, Mingi came out of his room and into Hongjoong's. He was carrying a stuffed bunny in one hand and his eyes were still red and puffy from crying.

"J-Joongie hyung?" He asked almost inaudibly. Hongjoong looked up to see him. He silently thanked the gods that the boy was alright. He waved at the boy, motioning for him to sit down.

"Are you feeling better?" He asked. Mingi nodded and held the stuffed animal to his chest. It was usual for San to bring stuffies and dolls around the dorm, but Mingi didn't usually do that. Another thing for Hongjoong to be confused about.

"Mingi sorry for bein mean... Yous not like the bad man... Didn mean to yell at hyung... M sorry." Mingi said. Seonghwa looked toward Hongjoong with furrowed eyebrows. Hongjoong returned an equally confused expression that Seonghwa read as 'what did I tell you?'. He turned back to Mingi and smiled.

"Don't worry about it, Mingi. We can talk about it tomorrow, okay?" Hongjoong asked. Mingi nodded.

"Is hyungie mad?" Mingi asked. Hongjoong shook his head.

"No, not at all, angel. Hyungie isn't mad." He said. The word seemed to slip out naturally. He knew Mingi wasn't being himself, so he should treat him gently while in this state. He decided to put off asking questions and simply act. "Is it alright if hyung gives Mingi a hug?" He asked. He didn't want to risk scaring him like he had earlier. It felt like stepping around eggshells, trying not to upset the younger, but he'd walk around landmines if he had to for this boy.

Mingi nodded and Hongjoong engulfed him in a tight embrace. He hugged him back softly, clinging to the boy almost immediately.

"You're safe, Mingi. No one will hurt you here." He whispered into the younger's ear. Mingi melted into his touch, taking in all the comfort he could get. When Hongjoong pulled away, Mingi felt a bit cold.

"Um... Mingi gon go sleepy now." He said, standing up. However, Hongjoong felt like it was unsafe to leave him unattended in this state.

"Why don't you sleep in here with Seonghwa hyung and I tonight?" He proposed. Mingi's eyes lit up and he sat back down.

"Really?" He asked. Hongjoong nodded.

"Of course. If it's okay with Seonghwa." Hongjoong said, looking toward the older boy. Seonghwa pointed at himself, looking a bit surprised. He was also concerned for Mingi, not wanting to leave the boy alone either. It felt like a bad idea to do so and so he nodded.

"Hm? Oh yeah, that's fine." He said. "We'll have a little sleep over." Seonghwa said, smiling at Mingi. Mingi smiled back.

"Yay! Sleepover with hyungies!" He exclaimed. Hongjoong began setting up a bed on the floor for himself, but Mingi stopped him. "Is ok if Mingi sleep wif Joongie?" He asked quietly. Hongjoong looked up at him from his place on the floor. He quickly wrapped up the bedsheets on the floor and nodded.

"Yeah sure, come here, darling." He said, sitting down on the bed and stretching his arms out. Again, the pet name just slipped out. Mingi clung to him and buried his face in his chest.

"Thank yous." He sighed, wrapping his arms around Hongjoong. Hongjoong subconsciously planted a kiss on Mingi's forehead. Mingi didn't seem to mind and simply closed his eyes. It didn't take long before he fell asleep in Hongjoong's arms while Hongjoong brushed his fingers through his hair.

Once Mingi was asleep, Seonghwa began talking to Hongjoong about things he found on the internet while searching why Mingi was acting so strange. He came upon an article about Freud and Jung and their ideas on something called age regression.

Freud proposed it was an unconscious defence mechanism for the ego to avoid trauma, stress, etc. While Jung suggested it was a positive headspace to help an individual destress. He read more about the behaviours of age regressors and such. It all made the situation make sense.

"What do you think about it?" Seonghwa asked. Hongjoong nodded, handing the boy his phone back.

"Holy shit, I'm not ready to be a dad." He joked. Seonghwa laughed and shook his head.

"It's not the same thing, Joong." He chuckled. "It doesn't make sense to me... Mingi's never shown any signs of it... I guess he didn't want us to know." Seonghwa pondered, staring at the dark ceiling above him. "But why today? And why do it like this?" He asked.

"I don't think he meant to. I think it's something he can't help." Hongjoong said. "In his room, he... He had some sort of panic attack and I guess that's when it started." Hongjoong explained. Seonghwa hummed.

"So like what Freud said?" He asked. Hongjoong nodded.

"Yeah, I think so. I don't know what triggered it though. He just started screaming and called me 'the bad man'." Hongjoong told Seonghwa. He continued brushing his fingers through Mingi's hair, despite the latter being far off in dreamland. "I guess I'll ask him tomorrow." And with that, the two said their good nights.

When Hongjoong woke up, Mingi was gone. Seonghwa wasn't there either. He could hear talking in the kitchen, so he assumed it was them. There was a sweet smell in the air that made Hongjoong hungry. He quickly sat up and got dressed before heading down to the kitchen. In there was exactly who he'd guessed, Seonghwa and Mingi.

Mingi seemed well rested for the first time in a week, talking to Seonghwa normally as if nothing had happened the night before. Hongjoong greeted them and sat down next to Mingi. Mingi shifted a bit in his chair, feeling awkward.

"Oh, morning, Joong." Seonghwa greeted. "I'm just making Mingi some pancakes. His day wasn't so good yesterday, so we're starting it off on a good note. Right?" Seonghwa said, throwing a wink at Mingi. Mingi smiled and nodded. He seemed to be doing better, but Hongjoong was still concerned. Hongjoong went to open his mouth, but Seonghwa stopped him by shoving a piece of pancake into his mouth. "Is it good?" He asked. "He doesn't want to talk about it." He whispered. Hongjoong fanned his mouth with his hand.

"It's hot as fuck!" Hongjoong squealed.

"Oh, whoops." He chuckled softly without an ounce of remorse in his voice. 

"Water, water, please!" Hongjoong shouted. That was when Mingi froze. Assuming the position of his arms stiff at his side and beginning to stare off into space. His heart raced and his breathing became heavy. It's fine, you're safe, they're safe. It's fine. He told himself. Seonghwa noticed this, crouching down in front of Mingi to make eye contact after handing Hongjoong a glass of water.

"Mingi, you're okay." He told him softly. Mingi nodded but didn't move. Seonghwa placed a hand in front of him and he gripped it tightly. "It's alright, Mingi. You're with us, you're safe." Mingi felt stupid having to be reminded this every now and then. Of course he was safe, he was with his most trusted friends. Mingi closed his eyes and took in a deep breath.

"I'm okay." He said, more for himself rather than the other two. He nodded and repeated himself. "I'm okay. I'm safe." He sighed. Seonghwa nodded. He stood back up again when Mingi let go of his hand.

"Thank you." Mingi said softly. Seonghwa didn't reply. He didn't believe he needed to be thanked but he knew Mingi had to say it to make himself more comfortable. He let his heart go back to normal before he turned to Hongjoong. "I'm sorry." Was all he said. He wanted to say more, to explain himself, but he knew he'd cry if he did. Hongjoong frowned.

"Don't be. It's alright." Hongjoong said. Seonghwa put a plate of pancakes in front of the two with a grin on his face.

"Eat up. You can't have a good day without a good breakfast." He said, patting both of them on the head before sitting down with them. When they were finished eating, Mingi decided it was time to talk. They'd moved to the bedroom to have more privacy in case anyone were to use the kitchen.

"Um... So yesterday..." Mingi started. "I'm sorry about that. I'm sorry I yelled at you, Hongjoong hyung. I can't excuse my actions, I was in the wrong." Mingi said quietly. Hongjoong furrowed his brows.

"It's alright, Mingi. I'm sure if you just tell us what's going on, we'll understand." He said. Mingi nodded.

"I do... Owe you an explanation." He said. He tried to think of a way to explain himself. It was hard to look for the words. His brain wasn't making sense. He looked at the older boys, their eyes searching for an answer. He looked down and stared at his hands and then to the floor where he spotted a water bottle next to Hongjoong's bed. Anger suddenly flooded his thoughts and he tried to suppress it. "Have you've ever killed someone before?" He asked suddenly.

"M-Mingi-" Seonghwa cut himself off, not knowing what to say.

*

"I have." Mingi said in a monotone voice. "I don't know why I did it. But it's my fault." He said. "I killed my brother when I was nine. He fell in the pool and I watched him drown. I didn't do anything. I just... Watched." Mingi told them. "After that, nothing was normal. I couldn't leave the house without a scratch... The... The bad man... He hated me. It was all my fault and he could never forgive me." Mingi said. He looked up at the two who seemed horrified.

"You... you hate me now don't you?" Mingi asked. He chuckled lightly as tears formed at his eyes. "It makes sense. I'm a murder for fuck sakes. How could you not hate me?" He said.

"Mingi, no." Hongjoong said. "No, no, not at all. You're not a murderer. You didn't do anything-"

"Exactly!" Mingi shouted, cutting the latter off as tears streamed down his face. "I did nothing and he fucking drowned because I wasn't paying attention and I. Did. Nothing and he fucking died because of it!" He said. He stopped himself, breath hitching as he looked at the two in front of him. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell, I'm sorry." He quickly apologized in a hushed tone.

"Mingi, you were nine years old." Seonghwa said. "None of it is your fault." He reassured. Mingi looked down and gripped his own hands tightly.

"But... He told me it was... It was my fault... He said so. Why else would he hate me?" Mingi asked. "Why else would he hurt me... He..." Mingi began to shake. He brought his knees to his chest and began to cry. "I'm sorry... I'm so sorry." He sobbed. "Please, I'm sorry."

"It's okay, Mingi." Hongjoong said softly. Mingi nodded and looked at him.

"You're not like him. I'm sorry for calling you the bad man yesterday... You... Scared me by standing over me." He said.

*

"That's not your fault, that was mine. I'll be more careful next time, okay?" Hongjoong said. Mingi nodded again. He wiped away his tears, but didn't stop hugging his legs to his chest. He needed some form of comfort to continue. "And about last night..." Hongjoong trailed off.

"I'm sorry, that was weird." Mingi said. Hongjoong shook his head.

"No, we did some research, Mingi, it's not weird." Seonghwa said. "Were you regressing?" He asked. Mingi was surprised that they knew. He slowly nodded.

"Y-yeah... Yesterday was... His death day and I couldn't handle it... So... I just slipped without noticing." Mingi said. "I wanted to stop thinking so it just happened. Sometimes I can help it and sometimes it just happens. In those times, I can't stop it and just act without thinking. That's why I came here." He said, rubbing the back of his neck.

"If anything ever bothers you to this point again, I don't want you to keep it all in. Okay?" Hongjoong asked. Mingi nodded his head. "Good, now come here and gimme a hug." Mingi moved forward to hug both Seonghwa and Hongjoong. 

"Thank you for understanding." He said softly, resting his chin on Seonghwa's shoulder. The older boy rubbed his back softly.

"If you ever need to regress and don't wanna do it alone, our door is always open, Mingi." Seonghwa told him. Hongjoong nodded. 

"Yes, we'll take care of you the best we can if you need it." Hongjoong added. Mingi felt like crying again. But this time he was happy. He nodded and whispered several thank yous to the both of them. He sat back down and looked down at his lap.

"Is it... Alright if I do it today?" He asked shyly. Seonghwa's face lit up. 

"If I can talk care of you, yes!" He gasped, putting a hand up. Hongjoong and Mingi turned their attention to him. "I mean... Yeah totally."

"I want to as well, we can both take care of him." Hongjoong said. Seonghwa nodded.

"Yeah, if that's okay." The oldest said. Mingi nodded with a smile on his face. He was happy they were so accepting.

"It's okay, but can I stay in here when I'm... small?" Mingi asked.

"Of course, make yourself comfortable, baby boy." Seonghwa said. Mingi felt tears of joy bristle his eyelashes. He looked up and engulfed the two in a big hug again, letting his tears fall.

"Thank you. It means a lot." Mingi exclaimed. And so Mingi left the room for a bit, collecting his comfort items before coming back in a cat themed onesie with little ears and a tail. Seonghwa pouted, cooing at the sight of Mingi holding his sippy cup and stuffed bunny in such a cute outfit.

"Oh!" Seongwha gasped, opening his arms. "You're so sweet, come give me some cuddles!" He squealed. Mingi giggled and quickly headed over.

"Yay, cuddles wif hyungie!" Mingi exclaimed, wrapping his arms around the older boy. Hongjoong began brushing his hair with his fingers and he leaned into the touch.

"You know you can call us anything else if it helps you regress, babyboy." Hongjoong said. Mingi looked up from Seonghwa's chest and pointed to Hongjoong.

"Dada?" He said, sounding unsure. He then pointed to Seonghwa. "n papa?" Seonghwa and Hongjoong both nodded. Hongjoong patted his head.

"That's good with me." Hongjoong said. Seonghwa agreed. They decided to cuddle up with Mingi in between them, Hongjoong playing some kids shows for Mingi.

"Dada can Ming have paci?" The little one asked quietly after a few moments of silence.

"Of course, sweetheart." Hongjoong chimed, reaching over to the bedside table the paci was laying on. He popped it into Mingi's mouth and gave him a kiss on the forehead to which Mingi giggled.

"Thank yous." Mingi said quietly before turning back to his show. He eventually began to nod off, trying his best to keep his heavy eyelids open to pay attention to the show. Seonghwa looked down, watching as the paci slipped from the little's mouth. He popped it back in, reminding him not to drop it.

"You tired, darling?" Seonghwa asked. Mingi nodded sleepily and Hongjoong hummed.

"Sounds like it's time for a nap, little one." He suggested. Mingi gasped and shook his head.

"No, no tired, wan watch Moomin." Mingi protested. Seonghwa sighed and patted Mingi's head.

"We can watch Moomin after your nap, alright, babyboy?" He told him. Mingi huffed, crossing his arms. An idea came to Seonghwa's mind. "You know, I've been hiding a small candy stash," Mingi's head perked up. Hongjoong tried to stop himself from chuckling. It made sense. Kids love candy. "If you're a good boy and take a nap, papa will let you have your favourite ones." Mingi's eyes widened.

"Really?" Mingi asked. Seonghwa smiled and nodded.

"Of course, sunshine." Mingi gasped.

"Okay! Nap time!" He said. Hongjoong pinched his cheek and chuckled.

"Good boy." He praised. The two older boys were about to get up to give Mingi some space, when the younger stopped them.

"Wait." He said. "Wan nap wif papa n dada." He told them. The two obliged. It was a tight squeeze, but they managed to find a comfortable position, both holding Mingi. Mingi almost instantly fell asleep, cuddling into Hongjoong's chest and holding one of Seonghwa's arms as it wrapped around him. His paci fell from his mouth and Joong put it away. 

It didn't take much for Seonghwa to fall asleep either, now it was just Hongjoong's turn. But he didn't want to close his eyes or look away from the two boys in front of him. He began to feel a tight feeling in his chest as his cheeks heated up. 

That's not a good sign. He thought. He decided to brush it off and finally close his eyes, allowing the sleepy tide to drift him off to sleep.


End file.
